oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
is it fun? or sober?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
