I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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