he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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