I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
