Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I will be naked everywhere
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
