he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize