I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
