My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
