Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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