Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
