My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
