Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
