I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
