Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
