Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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