i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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