Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
