Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
