the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
