super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize