Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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