So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
