ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
