my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
pray to the hookup gods
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
