Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
