life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
