That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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