Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
