shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
