There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
