Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
