you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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