i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You are a genius and a whore.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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