Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
