So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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