I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
