As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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