Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
