And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
