First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
