He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
