This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
