yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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