just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's shark week go big or go home
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
