Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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