His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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