the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
