I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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