I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
