Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
two words...techno handjob
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
