i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
