can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
