Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
there is glitter all over my balls
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
