All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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