If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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