sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
