I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize