where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
