Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
