I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
