Welp...herpes.
nutella sex= disaster
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
