if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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