wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My vagina is very pro this idea
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
