Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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