she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
