Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
