There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
