loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Houston, we have a blender
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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