If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
