Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize