Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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