I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
